When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.

What a crazy upside-down wacky year it has been.

A virus that was only meant to affect us for "three whole weeks", took over the world, as we all tried to exercise, and clean out our houses to pass the time. We all took up bizarre hobbies and enjoyed family time through our phone screens. Masks became fashionable and us antisocial people got an excuse to stay as far away from everyone as much as we could. Umm, creepy uncle Boris I think your calculations were a bit off their mate! Three weeks went well and truly out the window 365 days ago, along with our 2-hour workout routine.

All this resulted in everything shutting down and people started to work from home with zoom meetings taking over our lives...you are on mute!

Snow came and froze our car doors shut, making us all late for work...which became about the only excitement to come out of this year, bar a negative test result.

I passed a MOT for the first time ever! What the fuck...but two days later I got a flat tyre, and two bulbs went...you know because the world has got to knock me off that pedestal.

I started an apprenticeship course.

I got moved teams again...and again.

I lost friends.

I made new ones.

I made mistakes.

...I made more mistakes...

I found loyalties in people I did not expect and were betrayed by those I trusted.

...but for the first time in a very fucking long time, I have found balance.

And I am fucking happy...the ups and downs of this year were ridiculous; thank the gods I was medicated for it!

Yeah, things are still wrong in the world, and I have become more obsessed with The Sims than I should of, but life isn't too bad is it?!

Of course, we are still in a total suck it zone, and while some of us have started jabbing up, it is not over yet. A year!? Let me repeat that.... a year. Phew.

You know what there is always going to be more drama. More bullshit. More betrayal, but we cannot live are lives waiting for it all to come crashing down.

People are going to talk behind your back. People are going to lie to your face, make up shit and cause utter crap for their own bullshit fucked up pleasure. But we have got to stop rising to it. We have got to stop letting them win. We have got to push through and fight for a simple life. We have got to talk, because sometimes people and their actions can be so misleading. You need to take a step back and look at the path you are going down. Come out of your comfort zone and have faith to trust in others you normally would not.

This week has been crazy long. So much has happened, so many emotions. I am drained, yet super buzzed. I cannot work out if this is still a form of anxiety or just adrenaline leaving my body.

Everyone has a breaking point, and that is okay. It is about how you pick yourself back up that matters. Falling, can put you in exactly the place you always needed to be. To see the world at a different angle, at a different level.

There are so many ways you can feel powerless. That can be at the hands of others, or by your own actions.

Sometimes both if miscommunication and quick judgment comes out to play.

We need to stop falling into that hole and digging. Making it wider and colder and more painful.

The glass will always shatter, and the perception of the world will always shift.

Those who act like leaders will be shown as just playing the part, and others who are truly in control will finally shine through.

My energy has shifted focus. I only need to share my time and space with people who wish to see me grow. Not people that think they can pull my strings for their own entertainment.

...or maybe they are just the kind of people who have become powerless by their own actions. Regardless. I am staying clear. I am putting my overthinking brain to rest for a while and telling it to shut the fuck up.

These days, you can either jump on the train or be left on the fucking tracks. Nonetheless we are moving on. Toot, Toot motherfuckers!

To all those who are fighting a battle, be it the big coronavirus itself, to mental health or to just plain boredom. Well done for staying strong and making it through another day. The war may not seem over yet, but if we all just continue to stay positive and keep remaining safe, we will be there in the end. Never think your weak to seek advice and seek help.

We need to remind ourselves to be patient with the world. While a lot of people might not agree with this statement, I stand true to it, "Things happen for a reason". It might not always make sense at the time, but it will come to be in the end.

Feelings, thoughts and loyalties are always moving and adjusting, and there is definitely no harm in change.

Sometimes it sucks! Like really, heart-retching, pain stricken shitness, but sometimes it can be beautiful. Life is way too short to live in the past. I always like to fix forward. The past is full of mistakes, things get done wrong. Ideas do not work out, but you know what. We learn and we grow from difficult times.

The strength I feel today is only because of all the crap I have gone through and you know what. While I have regrets and I wonder what I could have done differently, wish I could have moved left instead of right, I do not think I would change a fucking thing now.

It is hard now to say I genuinely love my life, because my life is definitely not, going to work, come home. Eat, sleep, repeat, but I am finally in a good fucking place.

I will say it again. I am happy, loved and healthy. I think we need to stop dwelling on what we do not have and focus on what we do, and if you are reading this, you are alive, and for now, I am thankful for that.

Do not get me wrong, we are all a little bored and a little bit bitchy right now...like 8-year-olds, who have been told to go to bed, and we are all confused because it is still light out...what do you mean it is my bedtime!?! I want to go out and play. But you know what, its half 9 and mama needs a glass of wine, so off to bed we go.

Let’s stop complaining about life and other people, and just focus inwards.

Pick up a fucking book. Download an educational podcast and use this time to achieve something meaningful.

Or just sit in front of the TV, eat your weight in cheese dip and nachos, who cares. Just stop using your energy to stay negative. It is not going to get us anywhere, apart from feeling even more shitty than we need to be.

This is your life, fight for the one you want. You cannot keep cussing at the world and its inhabitants when you are doing fuck all to change the outcome of your day.

If you think your voice is not being heard, shout louder...or maybe you are just speaking to the wrong people, someone will listen in the end. Go seek them, trust me!

As I said I am finally fucking free. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy and cheesy as fuck, but it is true. I feel I can breathe again.

It is finished, it is done. Only good change is coming my way. Will I have to deal with this devil again, of course, but I do not need to let it rule my life anymore.

Be open and honest and fucking true to yourself and your days will feel less like a fight and more like it should be. Beautiful.

You’ve got this!

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