Redefining Happiness.

Did you know that pure happiness is impossible to reach, because as humans we constantly crave more and more, and more? We cannot just sit and be happy with the fact our lives are going pretty damn well. Instinctively we search for the bad in a situation, we seek out drama. We pursue what can only be described as the shit in our lives because we think this will help us appreciate the good. How fucked up are we! I know, you know, what I'm talking about, don't try and deny it! Sometimes you sit there and you think; fuck happiness, no seriously fuck it, because every time I reach it, or think I've reached it; my mind plays on a series of events which could possibly destroy it. I'm right, ent I! It's like your brain doesn't allow it, or accept it. You put things in place, you've found routine, you might have even found a sense of freedom, so why can't we all just bloody enjoy it! I get it, I’m there now; I'm not low, I'm far from it, but you know what I mean, you just feel bleh. Realistically we only have ourselves to blame. Why do we allow ourselves to sit in that box, the one that convinces us to wind ourselves up with trivial things. I get it; sometimes I even annoy myself. I ask why I care so much. I know I shouldn't overthink and I've done so much to walk away from that type of life, but sometimes I just don't know how to break this broken record. You see, nothing is really going wrong, yeah okay, I do have some people I can't avoid, certain pathetic people in my life; who I've made very clear I don't want anything to do with, and who have gone out their way to tell other people that I'm...what was that word....oh yeah; crazy, (but you know what, I take that as a fucking compliment), and yet they’re the ones that can't seem to leave me alone. Take you own advice, take a hint, and stop reading about my life if you care so little about it...or do you enjoy being a lying hypocrite! But once again human nature is hard to change, and I guess your just here, seeking out that bullshit I'm talking about. This is where I've changed, I no longer look for things and people that don't deserve my time. Apart from that, I've done really well to remove myself. No drama, no heartache. I'm okay. I'm safe and healthy, and yet.... I still feel meh. I am surrounded by fantastic people. I'm surrounded by love, and laughter, so why can't I just bask in this world! Before I use to trust the wrong people. Love the broken ones. My paranoia always found a way to win, but I have had enough. I do not want that way of life to be mine anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's hard, but trust me, it is worth the mind adjustment. It is worth the therapy, the medication, meditation, and the journaling. I don't care who knows my truth now. I don't care what people think. If you do not like me; that is fine. It is not my job to improve your opinions of me. I've done nothing but support everyone I've ever met, and when people took advantage, when I said enough was enough. They didn't seem to like it, that I wasn't there to hold their hands and clean up their messes anymore. They didn't like that I knew their toxic secrets, when even now, I would never tell someone else’s story, no matter how much they continue to destroy me, and tell people mine. I am proud of being that person. Of not sinking to that level. Of not using people's pain to gain followers, or to convince people to join my side. I might be the bad guy in some people's eyes, and that's okay. I thank them for that, I thank them for removing every sheep from my life, and that they've left only the truest, kindest and purest of hearted people behind. Okay; so, I'm mainly putting this weird darkened mood on the fact the world is currently fucked, and there is not much we can do about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm a full supporter of this stay at home business, it's a fucking sensible thing to do. Stay alert can get shoved, but that doesn't stop me, or us for feeling crappy right now. I'm one to put my hands up and say I didn't think it would be as bad as this, I was like half the bloody nation, who thought it was only the flu, but at least I can say I've got my head in the right place now, and I don't feel the need to protest outside in a large group of people... Uh, screw humanity! And to those who think this is all a big hoax, generally get a life, it is not that hard to get into contact with someone who's families have been destroyed by this. Ugggghhhhhh.... Whatever; fuck happiness! Find calm, and stop seeking out drama, just to make yourselves feel better. There are plenty of free therapy sites you can access on your own. You can use an app called Headspace, which is a great meditation and sleep app! You can also listen to a daily pep talk podcast call The Daily PEP by Meg Kissack on Spotify. Or you know, you can just go to the doctors. You can ask a friend to help, or check out the multiple websites which have been made to help you. Basically, sort your shit out, because you can blame the world all you like, you can say how fucked up it is, how it's all someone else’s fault. How everyone is out to get you. Sure, you can feel these things; no one in this god damned earth can tell you otherwise! You have the right to be scared, to worry, and have the many emotions you are feeling right now. But, how you deal with that is on you. Sitting and wallowing is not going to suddenly improve anything. Being a Bitch to someone is not going to solve your problems. It is not going to change your life. Nothing comes for free and nothing comes if you sit and wait for it. Have a day of sitting in the dark, eating far too much and watching reruns of Star Trek and Doctor Who, (yes don't judge, this is what I do), but make it only one day. Get off your arse and get your shit together. Don't accept or give wasted apologies. Save them for the real, genuine people in your life. Be happy on your own terms! We are the Kings and Queens of are own lives. So off you go, take charge, and redefine the definition of happiness, because if you don’t, you’ll never reach it!