It takes a long time to learn how to do nothing.

Well guess what I have been doing lately?! Absolutely fuck all! Guess what I have got planned; also, absolutely fuck all!

I keep wanting to write something inspiring and talk about something super thrilling that I have been up to lately, and well; I am sure like the rest of you, I have nothing. Zero entertainment, zero excitement and zero life changing topics to discuss…

I am extremely exhausted recently too, which is probably because work has taken over my life…or maybe it’s because naps are the only bit of pleasure I can find at the end of the day. And let us not forget these slow dragging weekends. I am not really complaining about the work aspect of it all. Hello, I am fucking thankful I have a job right now, as I know so many people are not as lucky as me! I just wish I had something to look forward to. You get me?

My plans to go to a pumpkin patch have gone well and truly out the window, due to my shitty habit of leaving everything to the last minute. So, as you can guess, I have sadly missed my chance to book a spot! Ahh! An Aldi pumpkin it is then! Yes! It does completely suck that I won’t get to go running around a sexy autumn looking pumpkin patch, dressed as some groovy arse looking witch, but I’m not going to let my complete lack of planning, ruin my Halloween fun!

Plus, my pumpkin is going to look CRAZY anyway! – Vlog my creativity?! Maybe, let’s see if I can get a tiny bit more organised first.

I feel so shitty complaining about this, because so many people are suffering and have suffered a lot more than me; but I am so annoyed I haven’t been on a super outrageous adventure with my friends, or gone on some wild holiday. I would have been on at least one trip by now, and I probably would have one booked for next year. I would have something, or anything arranged. I would have attended a wedding, a birthday party. I would have gone to some ridiculous event, which at the time I would have had no clue how I got so lucky to be there, but I’d be there anyway, drink in hand and having an awesome time.

But again, what do we have, to, look, forward, too?

I just miss life, okay! And right now, all I can think about is how much more I could have done with it. In a bizarre way I am thankful for this situation, because it’s allowed me to see what I need to change about myself, and my life going forward. Once the world starts spinning a bit more; I am just ready to fucking live!

As I’ve mentioned, naps, reading, baths and watching, and rewatching TV shows are the only tiny bit of enjoyment I have in life at this current time. I mean what else can we do!?

No seriously, this time I am asking!

What the hell are people doing to keep their minds and bodies busy!?

Even going for a walk these days feels like some government run chore, it's not really pleasurable nor does it hold any form of thrill. Sitting in a park is out the window because; WINTER IS COMING!

However…I do really love the wintertime...

Payday is finally here, and I have already packed all my shopping baskets full of winter clothes and goodies. I really, really, do love this time of year! Halloween, Bonfire night and Christmas! Not going to be celebrated in their usual fashion of course, but I am not going to let all this madness stop me from having a blast anyway.

Halloween: one of the many reasons I love living with my housemates. Guess who gets to have a mini party, pumpkin carving and lots of goodies; me!

Bonfire night: is going to be weird, but I have found several that are doing this kind of drive thru thing, where you have a sort of picnic in your car. So, that could be cool. We have all got to try something new, so why not a car picnic bonfire night!

Christmas: again, got the housemates. It’s a pain I will not get to see the whole family, but these guys are family all the same!

As a brilliant lady at my office once said to me; "shit has happened" – such a better and more realistic way of saying it, right!?

And while I am here, bitching and moaning about my sad little life, I have got to say, I really am trying to make the best of it.

My bedroom is finally looking splendid! It has become my favourite little happy place. My journal is looking fat and juicy having been filled with all my weird thoughts and ideas, and while that might sound bad. It is really not, because it has kept me from going completely insane…then again, the jury is still out on that one.

I am reminding myself daily of how lucky I am, but most importantly I am just trying to give myself a break. Having a personality which has a bad trait of trying to please everyone, isn't exactly healthy. This time has given me the perfect excuse to say no.

It’s finally me time, and through all of this, I have learnt so much about myself, and I’m so grateful for all the people around me.

So, remember, life might suck balls right now, but you’ve got this!

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